Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Time to Amaze...

Wake up! Remember what excites you. Think of these things, those friends, and the adventures that can be yours. Focus. Care. Fantasize. Imagine. It's all so near. Speak as if you're ready. Physically prepare for the changes that you wish to experience in your life. You've done this before. You know it works. You're due for an encore. It's time to amaze. That's why you're here.

I'm one of those people that believes life is good. REALLY good! I believe that life gives you lemonade. I believe that every good thing that came into my life--from moving to Paris just before my twentieth birthday, to spending summer nights in Harlem listening to my downstairs neighbor blow tunes on his sad sax, to having that first French kiss, to seeing my newest little niece via skype yesterday for the first time--and knowing she had my heart right then and there--because I believe that life is meant to be wonderful.

I've said this to a many people before, and a few of them, the hardened ones, have called me naive. They usually wear tweed jackets, work in academia, and were my boyfriends at one point. They think these twinkling blue eyes and long blond hair and white, white skin might just be the three ingredients that keep a person soft and naive.

That's not the case for me. I've had things in my life that could have and have tried to--make me hard. I've had a brother who has been addicted to drugs since he was 16. He is now 27. He is homeless and living in a park somewhere. I've had a sister who's husband shot her in their driveway--and nearly killed her--in fact, I do think he killed most of her spirit, and I am at a loss at how to help her rebuild any of her former self...let alone the lower half of her face that he shot away. I've had a cousin who was left to babysit me when I was young and he sexually abused me. I've struggled with an eating disorder for most of my life. I found true love at 16 years old--and he was killed in a car accident just a few short months later, and I don't know if I've ever really gotten over it. I have a mom who, when I would ask for money as a teenager, threatened to kill herself for the insurance money and give it to us, and she was pretty serious. I have an older sister who doesn't want to have me in her life because we don't agree on religion. I have had. You have had. We have all had our lives.

But that is just it--life. We live it. It is messy. It is not supposed to be pristine and clean and have everyone perfectly in their place and sort everyone by a label. Most people like you to live by labels--Gay, Straight, Christian, Muslim, Tall, Short, Fat, Skinny, Smart, Dumb, Republican, Democrat, Caucasian, Asian, Jock, Prep, Cheerleader, Goth, Emo, Nerd, Youngest, Oldest, Ugly, Pretty. Once you label something--you define it--you confine it. You try and take away its wings.

Wings are what makes life worth living. Wings give you authenticity. Wings represent that indelible, consistent, unfailing river of hope that flows through the veins of each person--some more quickly than others. And this day, this exact day, my wings are taking me to Portugal. And it didn't come to me easily, and it isn't happening by chance. I created every route and venue for living my perfect, undefinable life. And there, with the ocean breezes, white beaches, shooting stars, and endless possibilities--that's the place I'll fly a bit higher than I have before.

And if that is naivete, I'll take it--every time.

15 comments:

Kittie Howard said...

What an amazing post. I can feel your energy, your drive, your will. I don't care what they say, go, girl, go!

melanie said...

Beautiful and inspiring post. I feel you 100% on that last paragraph. I will always be in awe of how my life changed- started- when I realized that I had to make my own path.

Best wishes as you begin your adventure in Portugal!

EmilyCC said...

I love everything about this post, my dear!

Nubian said...

Very inspiring, thank you.

Rowena said...

I so get you.

Toni said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
JMH said...

This makes me feel good. Thanks.

Beth said...

Thank you. I needed to read this today.

Krisanne said...

Your perspective on life and the words you use to shape it are so constantly beautiful.

Ana'S Town said...

Simply perfect.

Alisa said...

Amazing post, indeed! Thank you for sharing, Stella.

Tracey Axnick said...

How are you beautiful? Heard the Pope was in Portugal today and it made me think of you... are you there now? ... or have you moved along....?

Tracey Axnick said...

Just re-reading this post and marveling at what a wise woman you are.... I'm so glad you're my friend.

Life ROCKS. (and rolls.)
But it's always GOOD... even the tough stuff.
I'll dance the dance Any Day.

:)

Lori said...

Perfect beautiful and wise and full of heart. Your wings are wonderful! I am so excited about your new journey! XX

Jenny said...

This post needs to be published. It's beautifully written and a message that we all need to hear.