Thursday, February 3, 2011


Here is the trailer. The full 7 minute video can be found here. You'll be glad you watched it.

Many of you may not have seen this. I think you should. It's a short film that says a lot about what I feel like lately. I've been pondering a lot about the healing process. It seems, in life, that I have old wounds and those I date have old wounds and that these wounds make it too difficult for either of us to get close. Like trying to hug with arrows poking through our hearts.

I've been wondering about my own healing process and it's something I've always thought I would have to do on my own, but what if I let people in to help? I've been wondering about other's healing processes. What if I help them heal and then they leave for someone that's not me? That's happened to me before. It's happened to you. We wanted to be the end goal and we ended up being a milestone of healing towards the end goal.

I've decided to stop thinking so much about that and to just focus on healing. On really healing. On healing myself and on doing whatever I can to heal those people I am lucky enough to call friends and family. Because, in the end, I guess it shouldn't be about what they can give me, but about what I can give them. So, I'm ready to give. I've always been ready to give. The thing I'm working on now is also being ready to receive.

I'm struck.


Lori said...

I think there are a lot of us that are in your shoes. I have declared 2011 as my year to seek to embrace....whether it be myself...healing from old wounds that I haven't dealt with or my dreams...I think "others" are vital to our growth and healing, just as we are to theirs.

I have really appreciate your posts you've written this past month...I haven't had the chance to comment but just wanted you to know that I am listening and support you. Hugs and love to you my friend. XX

JonJon said...

I love you too. I also love this post. I remember when I first started seeing a counselor about reconciling the gay with my Mormon background and she helped me explore what I really wanted. I realized that regardless of what kind of relationship I wanted to pursue, I needed to focus on my own healing. Getting myself to a place where I could successfully pursue a relationship with someone else.

Nubian said...

JonJon is spot on target.

After my divorce it was my therapist that lifted me up. I then learned to brush myself off and start to take baby steps to what I have today.

The lesson I learned was to set my boundaries and not move them... easier said than done, but I did it.

You are an amazing woman, baby steps dear friend and when you are truly comfortable with yourself the doors will be opened.


Newt said...

It's funny and interesting that you and I could be coming to such opposite conclusions at this point in our lives. I guess I've started from an opposite place, for some reason believing that if I just found the right person then everything would be complete, that my old wounds would be healed. And enough time hoping and trying out different people has made me conclude that it's not likely to happen like that, for me at least. That I have to be the source of my own strength, first and foremost, that I can be there for others, and allow them to be there for me, but in the end we really do have to fall back on ourselves.

I guess I wonder if it's not different for different people, or if the truth isn't somewhere in between two extremes, or perhaps a little of both...?

Anyway, I do sincerely wish you healing and send you e-hugs! I'll think about this some more. ♥